I could make wine with my vomit
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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