nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
