I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
