i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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