Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
