What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
