It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
