omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
