I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize