K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
