Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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