You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize