I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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