You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
