im six kinds of drunk right now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
