Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
