Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
