So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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