She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
