Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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