drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
