And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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