he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
