My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
