I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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