Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
