how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
