the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
not ubering you a puppy
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
