I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
