she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
