I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
