already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
