I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
