3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
