What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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