'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize