I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
