I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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