my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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