If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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