I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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