Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
