he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How does one acquire holy water?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
