Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
