I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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