i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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