you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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