6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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