I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
