I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
