Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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