I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
