i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
