I just pynch a tree in the face
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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