Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Fuck appropriateness.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
