the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize