Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are we still banned from the library?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
