Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
