i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
