Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
