i permit you to call me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
