Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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