Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
