if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
