He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
