Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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