he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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