...so i touched it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had sex bonerless
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
