Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
