If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
