we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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