Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
