Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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